Those wacky, oppressed Christians, what'll they be all mad about next?

Thankfully Constitution Day was last week, which means it is time to forget that whole "separation of church and state" nonsense and TAKE BACK AMERICA FOR THE CHRISTIANS! All you Jews, Muslims, Catholics, Wiccans, Transcendentalists, Buddhists, Jehovah's Witnesses, Atheists, Zoroastriasts, Taoists, and other monkey-god peoples can just get on outta here.

Yes, gents, you CAN break your boner. Here's how.

In this case, "moneymaker" was never more appropriate. As reported in the Seattle Weekly, a porn star fractured his penis recently. Yes, he FRACTURED his penis. As the article explains, there's no bone in your boner, but there are spongy tissues that can be torn. When they do, OMFGOUCH.

As the article suggests: do a Google search of "penile fracture" at your own risk. Seriously, you are advised NOT to do this. Just don't. Unless you are willing to be ill today.

Picking up drunk chicks just got easier.

Running a little late, don't have time to go by the bar and pump drinks into a girl in hopes of getting some.

EMBED-Guy Checks Out With Drunk Chick In Basket - Watch more free videos

Just drop by your local Wal-mart and you're set!

Wool penis sheath

Surely you've seen one, right? Well, scroll down this Regretsy post about what amounts to a wool fetish and you'll see your very first wool penis sheath. For what purpose we can't imagine. You can't unsee this stuff.

Now HERE's some wool fetish gear:
A tight situation

Cat Spa

Seriously, this cat is gonna kill his owner in his sleep. This is gonna be the next Jack the Ripper cat.

Hot action in advertising

Also, why is this Asian hair secret turning their hair blonde, exactly?